No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
