when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
