Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
