Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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