tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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