So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
