I am puke
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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