If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
They have beer where we have blood.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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