Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
