Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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