I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize