Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
