He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
