So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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