Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
