fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize