That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
