I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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