Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
