Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
