I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
