Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize