Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
