did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
