Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
