It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
