Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
