oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
