so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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