I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
