well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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