:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
