I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
