i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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