Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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