I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think my tv is drunk
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dignity is for republicans.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize