whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize