meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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