dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
