We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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