Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
