I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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