got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
