You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
