i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
