I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
