Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
