i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
