Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
