You work out of a Hotel?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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