But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You're like the curious george of whores
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
