On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
