Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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