Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Enjoy the penises
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
