I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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