Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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