I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
