i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
