honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
