I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
