Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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