She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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