and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
