I puked a lego.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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