The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
